Hi everyone. So I have an actual website now. Please can you all love me loads and give it a view.

TheRealKellyJadeStock

​I am in love. I have been for quite some time. Years really. I am in love with the written word. With the beauty of it and the elegance. I am in love with how words, so eloquently put, can make me cry tears of joy and sorrow or laugh until my stomach hurts. Of how words can make me burst with happiness and put a genuine smile on my face, or how they can make me grow dark with anger and hatred. I am in love with the way they bring people together, or push them further apart. They can bring generations together through time and space. I love the way they wrap around my head and always leave me wanting more. I love the way they can heal wounds in the soul and mend broken hearts. I am in love with the way they make people fall in love. The past, present and future are brought back to life or recorded for the generations to come or given life. Everything is made to seem more or less or just right. Everything is made to be stunning or hideous. And that in itself is beautiful, wonderful, terrible, fascinating…”

I fear I have done it again. I have gone without blogging for far too long.

First I feel I should explain my last blog post. At the time of the post, my grandmother was dying. She was in an isolation ward, in ICU suffering with far too many illnesses for me to recount. She has since passed away. R.I.P Grandma.

She was a beautiful woman and I have kind of used her passing as fuel to push myself back into my writing. She is now my muse.

The last you lovely people heard from me, I was moving to London. Alas that hasn’t happened. A few things have prevented me from doing so. Well I shouldn’t say prevented,  instead I shall say postponed. That’s a better way to put it.
 Let’s chalk it up to money and health issues. On the bright side I have met the most amazing man. He is pushing me and helping me follow my dreams. I couldn’t have asked for anyone better.

Um… what else can we catch up on. Oh I know. I rewrote my book.
Shadows of Kin has had a make over. I sent it in to a publisher at the end of last year. Pan Macmillan to be exact. And I didn’t hear back from them. So I have officially received my first rejection. But! Instead of feeling down and out, I went back to my book and looked at it again. There were a few things that I thought I could do better. So I decided to rewrite it.

If you guys would like to read the first few chapters you can look it up on wattpad. https://www.wattpad.com/story/65207510-shadows-of-kin

Leaving a comment would be great help.
I’ve started plotting the second book as well which is great. Shadows of Knowledge.

Anyway. I should probably get back to work.
Hope you all have a great day!
Hopefully I’ll update my blog more often. We can only dream right?

I feel like I’m in a faraway land where nothing can harm me. Nothing can touch me. I feel invincible. I am strong. I am beautiful. I am heaven and hell. I am earth and wind. I am one with the rain and night air. I am blood and sweat and tears. I am life and love and laughter. I am everything all at once and yet I am nothing at all. I am not even a grain of sand or a speck of dust. I am neither darkness nor light. I am just a being. Small and fragile and oh so very human.   I am me. I am Kelly. And that is all I want to be.

Life pulses through my blood. I feel it. I can see, smell, hear, touch and taste. I know. I learn. I love. I hate. I breathe. I sleep. I eat. I feel. I cry. And I cry again. I fight – death, life, injustice, everything. I smile. I laugh. I deny the most obvious things. Then finally I accept them. Each thing born must die. I accept but I do not like. I move on. I am not invincible. I feel pain. I feel happiness. I curse the universe and wish I could dance with it. I love the moon yet fear the sun. Both bring such beauty. Memories. Memories are immortal. She will forever be immortal in my heart. The smell of talc powder and hairspray linger on.
Life goes on, it waits for no man.
I live. And I live. And we live. There is nothing else. We are human. Fragile and weak. And beyond beautiful. The very essence of being.
Rejoice, for we are life.

I felt… I honestly didn’t know how I felt. I felt I could take on the world and be one of the greats. The likes of Fitzgerald or Eliot. I felt as though the green light was always so close or that I was a jellicle cat, just prouncing about.    
But on other days I felt that I wasn’t the speck of dust on the shoe of a migrant worker. The valley of the ashes wouldn’t even accept me and I was neither a peke nor a pollicle.

There was jazz in my soul doing the swing. There were beats of drums and guitar strums running through my veins. I wanted to get up and dance but at the same time I wanted to find the darkest corner with a candle and immerse myself in the greatest of books. Flecks of gold dusted my heart but sprouts of doubt rooted deep in my soul. Doubt of self. But never of love.
I felt like Nick Carroway accompanying someone else’s grand story. But I never knew whose story.

I didn’t have a special thing about me. I wasn’t smart or beautiful like my best friend. I wasn’t worldly and not many people knew nor understood the real me. I was pale and freckles covered my face. My hair was a thick, I want to say lustrous, brown. No other way to describe it. It was one of my best features. That and my lips. They were full and rosy, almost red, in colour. I wasn’t thin but I wasn’t fat. I was mediocre at best. But… but not to him.
I knew books. They were my world. Until I met him. He changed everything. The sprouts of doubt were trimmed down and I felt special. But I still didn’t feel like I could join the hall of the greats. Oh the dreams that I had. Oh the places I wanted to go. I imagined myself writing epic fantasies And great love stories. And when I was with him I felt like magic. The type of magic that changed lives.

I felt like I was a part of the rat pack. I felt like Hemmingway would take me away on one of his adventures. I felt like Mary Shelley was a great acquaintance. I felt like all the lights of Broadway were shining down on me and the audience was clapping my name.

I felt like the type of magic one would find in the beauty of art. Abstract yet refined. I felt like silver slivers of moonlight through darkened trees. I felt like the first rain on a hot summers night. Refreshing and robust. Can rain be robust?

Yet sometimes I felt caught in that downpour, all despair and doubt and longing. Longing for an adventure to write about. Sometimes I wanted to walk the streets of Paris or relax in a Japanese hot spring. I felt that I wanted to travel the world and leave everything behind. Everything but him. He was my own adventure, my own romance story and when I looked into his eyes I saw the world. And I was overwhelmed with love. And then I remembered that my life was a grand adventure in itself. The sun rose on me and I was content. Happy. Ecstatic. Elated. In love. Always in love. He was the reminder that my life was, not perfect, but so close. So very close. Every moment with him was a bright spot when I wasn’t off day dreaming about writing.

Trinkets littered my room and they meant so much to me. I could tell a story about each and every one and I could regale you with so many tales. But that is for another time. A time for windy days and sunless shades. A day for champagne and orange juice or vodka on the rocks.

I have a full life ahead of me and I will be one of the greats.

Lately I haven’t been feeling like myself. I have had such a tough time coming to terms with the fact that I am leaving all I have ever known behind. The decision has been made. I am most definitely moving to London in January 2016. I feel lost. I know that it is my dream to go to London and become an integral part of the book industry that side, but at the same time… I am rather a bit scared. Ok I’m terrified. What if it doesn’t work out? What if I come home with my dreams having been crushed? So many ‘what ifs’ pop into my head. And I can totally understand why. I mean it is a big step to take, but I still feel this irrational fear that I’m going to fail. And the worst part of it is… the people who always tell me to go for it and who always cheer me up are the people I’m leaving behind. It’s heart breaking for me. Yes I know I still have so much time until I leave but hey I did say that I was feeling irrational.

The logical side of me is kicking the emotional side of me. “you’ll be great.” It keeps saying. “Everything is going in the right direction.” But the emotional side of me replies with, “What if they don’t miss me?” and “what if they replace me or forget about me?” These two sides of me rarely agree with one another. I guess I’m just scared about losing the people I love. I mean my greatest fear is being forgotten. And I know my friends will call me an idiot for thinking this way, it’s what they do, but it still doesn’t prevent these thoughts from popping into my head.

On the other hand, I am so excited about going somewhere new and exciting. I have never left my home country. I’ve barely left my home province.  So this is riveting for me. I can’t wait to have new adventures and meet new people. I can’t wait to see some of my family again. And honestly, I can’t wait to see real snow.

Sigh. Big dreams require big changes. Am I ready for them? When the time comes… I will just bloody well hope so.

I hope everyone has a fabulous day and I hope you are all following your own big dreams.

It’s that time again. My extremely randomly placed blog post.
So these past few weeks have been rather interesting. I have found out that I can’t afford an editor…. So I asked a few of my friends to help me edit my book. Gotta love having friends like mine. They truly are fantastic.
I have met three different South African authors. Which is fabulous.
I have a second job. Which makes me happy.
And lastly. In February of 2016, I will be moving to London. Maybe. I still have to make the decision. It’s an extremely hard decision. On the one hand I will be living a dream but on the other hand I will be leaving behind everything that I’ve come to know. My family (even though I have family there, my friends, my jobs, my country, and my crazy homicidal cat that I love with all my heart.
It saddens me to think about it all but at the same time… I’m excited. It’s such a great opportunity.
Sigh. Maybe I should just breathe and think it through some more.

Anyway. I have to get back to work.
Have a fab evening lovely readers.

Hey there fabulous people. So I realize I probably should have told you this last week thursday, but it is better late than never.

After three years or writing, scrapping, rewriting and doing it all over again, I have the greatest pleasure in telling you that I have finally finished Shadows of Kin.  Yay!

I’m so happy and so excited. But it’s not over just yet. I still have to edit and add a few more details but I have a feeling this won’t take as long as it did writing it.

I have been in such a fabulous mood of late and really it’s all because I’ve just changed my outlook on life. This year will be my year and if all goes as planned I should be in London by the end of this year. I’ll only be visiting but it’s still a place I’ve always wanted to visit.

I have many plans for this year.

Anyway… I ramble.
Have a fantastic Tuesday!

Therealkellyjadestock

Rainy days are the best aren’t they? Except if you are stuck in traffic and the rain is blurring your sight. My best friend and I decided today to travel to see her new flat. When we left my house, it was all sunshiney and happy days. We got a quarter of the way and the heavens opened up and destroyed all plans. It took us 20 minutes to move 5 meters. So now we are sitting at a pub, that has free wifi, and we’re waiting for the worst of the storm to pass.

Gotta love South African weather.

Hope everyone e else is having a fabulous day.

So the other night, I had yet another sleepless night. It wasn’t pleasant. I was battling with the heat and the blasted mosquitoes that came with it. So I sat up and decided to venture into the lounge with my notebook. I came up with quite the passage and I thought I’d share it with everyone. It’s a little bit dark but I was proud that I could produce it at 2 in the morning.

The darkness crept up on me, soaking every inch of my room in nightmares from past and present. The frantic fluttering of a moth echoed through my room as it tried to cling to the last shreds of light. I couldn’t help but wonder what the blackness would bring me tonight. Last night it was the memories of times gone past, times that scarred not only my body but mind too. I hoped tonight it would have some mercy on me. But I feared that mercy was not a word that you associate with the darkness. Tonight, I feared, would bring pain and rip me to pieces once again. I can only hope that when I wake up, when the light shines bright through my window, I won’t remember a thing.       
Like the moth clings to the last bits of light, I cling to the hope the one day the darkness won’t have such a hold over me.
I sigh and laugh bitterly to myself as I realize that it’s only wishful thinking.

So… yeah. I’m weird I know.
I think that writing that helped me fight whatever bloody demon was keeping me up. Let’s hope the insomnia stays away from me tonight.  I would dearly like some rest tonight. 

Enjoy the rest of the day, oh fantabulous people.